I wannas sexs uuuuu
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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