You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
