And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
