Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
