I'm gonna have a badass scar
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
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i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
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WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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