just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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