Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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