dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
you never un-have a 4some
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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