You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize