sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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