The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
