you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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