I hate all girls vehemently.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
