K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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