My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
