I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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