im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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