If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
