I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
