she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's blow job season.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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