She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
