Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
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i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize