I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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