I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
