I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
