You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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