She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
