I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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