I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
