Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
