Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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