you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
