Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
