There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
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For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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