You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
