According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
