Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
