I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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