i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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