I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
