Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just high enough for therapy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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