I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
