Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
