on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
