dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
