eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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