this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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