it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
