I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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