I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
