Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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