i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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