So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
