just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I could make wine with my vomit
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
