do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
