If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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