Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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