I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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