tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
