remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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