i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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