Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
