farters have to be the big spoon...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
