I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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