my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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