Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
