There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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