i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
