You made me cry and you don't even care
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
