Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
