Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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