Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
